It's so hard to believe that it's been a year since you passed on. Sometimes it feels like it's been 10 years, sometimes it feels like 10 days and other times it's hard to believe I didn't just speak with you 10 minutes ago.
I no longer cry every single day, but that doesn't mean I miss you any less. It simply means that missing you has become a way of living and the ache has become gentle instead of burning and overwhelming. It has moved to the quiet place in my heart where you and Grandma will always be, living in memories and in the lessons and love that you brought to my life. I am so very blessed to have had you as my Grandpa for the 31 years that I did, even if that time didn't seem near long enough.
I find myself missing you at the smallest moments. The every day moments. The silly, random moments that would have made you smile or laugh.
I miss you when I'm out toiling in the yard, wishing I could call and share in a triumph or get advice after a defeat. I think of you every time I'm out in the butterfly garden with a mixture of sadness and happiness. I missed you when I saw the first monarch visiting my milkweed.
I missed you at Christmas when I wanted to call and tell you how nice and warm it was here while it was cold and snowy there, and hearing you laugh when I declared for the millionth time how much I HATE SNOW.
I missed you at my birthday because for the first time in my memory you weren't there to call and say "Good morning" (no matter what time of day it was) and wish me a happy birthday
I missed you while I was sorting through your records, wishing that I had taken more time to talk with you about your music, or that you were there to answer questions about where something came from, why you had it or WHY you had so many duplicate copies!
I think that it will always be in those small, simple moments that I miss you most because it was in those small, simple moments that you always took such joy. I hope that I will always remember the lesson you showed me: that even the smallest acts can be large in the love and joy they contain.
I take comfort in the knowledge that you are whole and well, resting in the presence of our Lord. I hold on to the hope that we have for life everlasting in Christ. I know that while there is sadness and loss there is also hope and comfort for a reunion in Glory.
Until then, I will hold you in my heart.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Redshirts
For my birthday this year we went to the LA Times Festival of Books.
I really wanted to meet John Scalzi and have him sign my copy of Fuzzy Nation (which he did). We also got to go to two panels that he was on that were absolutely hysterical.
His next book is called Redshirts so we wore our red shirts and he graciously agreed to a photo. But, of course, since there were redshirts involved we had to be expendable...
( Definition of Redshirts )
As a special gift for him, I baked him an army of redshirts:
(Thanks to the Foxtrot comic for the inspiration!)
Friday, December 9, 2011
Christmas Card Photo 2011
Nothing says Merry Christmas from California like beautiful flowers, sunglasses and a straw hat!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
My Grandparents' House: Upstairs
My Grandpa was the only owner of their house. It didn't change much during my life.
The funny thing is that if I were to buy a house like this now I'd totally want to update everything. Since it's my grandparents' house, though, I want it to stay this way forever! I told EG my worst fear is someone like ME buying the house and changing everything.
There were lots of photos that he took framed through out the house
Gotta love the shag carpet! My nephews had a BLAST running up and down these stairs, lol
The kitchen. I always picture my grandpa sitting on the counter by the dishwasher while my Grandma makes toast.
The Living Room
The funny thing is that if I were to buy a house like this now I'd totally want to update everything. Since it's my grandparents' house, though, I want it to stay this way forever! I told EG my worst fear is someone like ME buying the house and changing everything.
It was also quite fascinating that they had carpet in their kitchen lol
Somewhere there's a photo of us kids sleeping on the floor in this room. I think I was like 4.
Love the lines on these chairs.
My Grandpa's Penguin Collection
There were lots of pictures of the grand kids in this room
For some reason when I think of my grandparents' house I always think of these birds
Love the lines on the couch, too
Apparently my love of red came from somewhere... Don't you just dig the red carpet?? lol
Upstairs bathroom (excuse the mess please)
Love this painting
These lights are teh awesome
You are looking at my Grandpa's laundry chute. It drops straight down in to the basement laundry room. You have NO idea how much we loved that as kids!
And the second bedroom. Notice the blue carpet in this one.
Please excuse the clutter
That completes our tour of the upstairs. Stay tuned for more shag carpet when we tour the basement!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
A Celebration of Life
Grandpa's service
July 7, 2011
We placed the flowers from the service in the Masoleum
Honor Guard and 21 Gun Salute
I had no idea that this would be as touching for me as it was. My grandpa never really talked much about his time in the service so to me it wasn't a big part of who he was. However, once the bugler began playing Taps, the tears were flowing freely.We did not decide to include the military honors until just a few days before the service. Many, MANY thanks go out to the men who came to perform this service for my Grandpa and my family.
Because my Grandpa loved butterflies and spent so much time photographing them,
we did a butterfly release at the cemetery following the military ceremony.
Guns and Butterflies!
We released Painted Ladies
My Grandpa
Cracker Barrel July 2005
This is what I read at my Grandpa's memorial service
July 7, 2011
My Grandpa
I only had one Grandpa, so it’s easy to say that he was my favorite. But, I’ve always thought that because I only had one Grandpa, God gave me an extra special one. Despite living far away from us, Grandpa always made time to make sure that we knew we were loved. Sometimes that was making sure our visits were extra special, sometimes it was mailing us a newspaper article and sometimes it was buying candy bars for our school fundraisers… and letting us keep the candy.
I remember when I was about 4 years old he took me and my brothers on a bus ride to the mall, where we had lunch. To this day I have a special place in my heart for buses because of that simple trip. It wasn’t that we went anywhere great or that we did anything spectacular it was that it was just us and our Grandpa. That’s just the first memory I have of many great outings we did together, though it’s probably my favorite.
When I was five or six my Grandma taught me to tie shoes, but it was my Grandpa who endured me sitting at his feet for hours, untying and retying his giant shoes. He had endless patience when it came to us kids, it seems, even when we were endlessly underfoot, following him around while he fixed things. Grandpa could fix ANYthing, or so we thought.
When I came up to visit one year he took me out to Pompey’s Pillar to see where William Clark carved his name in to the rock. He was really excited to take me, and we had a lot of fun that day. He would often mention that visit during the past several years. In 2004 the Lewis and Clark Bicentennial Stamp came out. He decided that I HAD to have that stamp, including the special envelope that was given out for the First Day of Issue. Despite the fact that he was nearly blind by this time and no longer driving it became his mission to find me this stamp. It took him a while to track it down, often asking friends who were visiting neighboring towns to go and look at the post office for him. He was so proud when he was finally able to send it to me. I have it framed in my house, a reminder of how much my Grandpa loved me and how simple acts can show a great deal of love.
He always remembered each of our birthdays. There was always a card, a birthday check and a phone call. Phone calls might not seem like such a big deal now in the days of cell phones but when we were kids that phone call was not just long distance but also only OUR call. We loved not having to share the phone with anyone, getting to talk to Grandma and Grandpa for just a little by ourselves. Grandpa continued to call us even when we were adults. When we got married he included our spouses in the card and birthday check tradition. My husband was really touched the first year we were married when a check showed up in the mail for him.
Christmases were always Grandma and Grandpa Time. They would fly or drive down and spoil us rotten. When we were kids and would dutifully troupe over to give him a thank you hug he would often quip “What’d I get you?” After my grandma passed, Grandpa never missed a Christmas. He always sent the cards and checks to my mom so that we could open them all together on Christmas Day.
It’s impossible to talk about my Grandpa without talking about my Grandma. My Grandpa adored my Grandma. When my Grandma’s paper weights were stolen, Grandpa walked around the pawn shops for months before finally finding them for her. When she got sick he was her primary caregiver for a long time. My mom would call to check on things and my Grandpa would say that he was taking care of his “Little One.” I asked Grandpa a few weeks ago how long he and Grandma were married and he replied “Forty-four years” “Wow,” I said “That’s a long time” “Not long enough,” was his response.
I think of him now, with her. He’s probably sitting on a counter, drinking his black coffee, while she stands next to him making her perfect toast. I am glad that he is with God and has been made whole and strong again, and that one day we will all be together again in heaven.
I remember when I was about 4 years old he took me and my brothers on a bus ride to the mall, where we had lunch. To this day I have a special place in my heart for buses because of that simple trip. It wasn’t that we went anywhere great or that we did anything spectacular it was that it was just us and our Grandpa. That’s just the first memory I have of many great outings we did together, though it’s probably my favorite.
When I was five or six my Grandma taught me to tie shoes, but it was my Grandpa who endured me sitting at his feet for hours, untying and retying his giant shoes. He had endless patience when it came to us kids, it seems, even when we were endlessly underfoot, following him around while he fixed things. Grandpa could fix ANYthing, or so we thought.
When I came up to visit one year he took me out to Pompey’s Pillar to see where William Clark carved his name in to the rock. He was really excited to take me, and we had a lot of fun that day. He would often mention that visit during the past several years. In 2004 the Lewis and Clark Bicentennial Stamp came out. He decided that I HAD to have that stamp, including the special envelope that was given out for the First Day of Issue. Despite the fact that he was nearly blind by this time and no longer driving it became his mission to find me this stamp. It took him a while to track it down, often asking friends who were visiting neighboring towns to go and look at the post office for him. He was so proud when he was finally able to send it to me. I have it framed in my house, a reminder of how much my Grandpa loved me and how simple acts can show a great deal of love.
He always remembered each of our birthdays. There was always a card, a birthday check and a phone call. Phone calls might not seem like such a big deal now in the days of cell phones but when we were kids that phone call was not just long distance but also only OUR call. We loved not having to share the phone with anyone, getting to talk to Grandma and Grandpa for just a little by ourselves. Grandpa continued to call us even when we were adults. When we got married he included our spouses in the card and birthday check tradition. My husband was really touched the first year we were married when a check showed up in the mail for him.
Christmases were always Grandma and Grandpa Time. They would fly or drive down and spoil us rotten. When we were kids and would dutifully troupe over to give him a thank you hug he would often quip “What’d I get you?” After my grandma passed, Grandpa never missed a Christmas. He always sent the cards and checks to my mom so that we could open them all together on Christmas Day.
It’s impossible to talk about my Grandpa without talking about my Grandma. My Grandpa adored my Grandma. When my Grandma’s paper weights were stolen, Grandpa walked around the pawn shops for months before finally finding them for her. When she got sick he was her primary caregiver for a long time. My mom would call to check on things and my Grandpa would say that he was taking care of his “Little One.” I asked Grandpa a few weeks ago how long he and Grandma were married and he replied “Forty-four years” “Wow,” I said “That’s a long time” “Not long enough,” was his response.
I think of him now, with her. He’s probably sitting on a counter, drinking his black coffee, while she stands next to him making her perfect toast. I am glad that he is with God and has been made whole and strong again, and that one day we will all be together again in heaven.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)